


Make Me Believe It

by randers1



Category: Chicago PD (TV)
Genre: F/M, Hope, Light Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-04
Updated: 2020-12-04
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:35:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,908
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27871658
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/randers1/pseuds/randers1
Summary: Hailey's offer stands in their way but for how long?
Relationships: Jay Halstead & Hailey Upton, Jay Halstead/Hailey Upton
Comments: 18
Kudos: 96





	Make Me Believe It

They’d been at the bar for twenty minutes with neither one bringing up the one subject they were there to really talk about. They knew it was looming and finally, surpisingly, it was Jay that brought it up.

“What did the FBI offer you?” His voice was extraordinarily low as the words rolled out, nearly sounding resigned.

Hailey’s proud smile did nothing to ease that resignation. “Joint level task force.” She ran a finger around the rim of her bottle. “At my debrief in New York, it was presented as an option.”

“You didn’t want to give an answer then?”

She smirked a bit. “There was nothing to give an answer _to_. It was just talking—what ifs. I told them I’d think about it if they made an offer.”

“Hm,” Jay grunted, a bit too much like their boss for Hailey’s liking but. “Seems like they followed up.”

“Yeah.” Her answer was quiet and lacking the same pride she’d showed just a minute ago.

Jay sipped the last of his drink and nodded. “Thinking of taking it?”

When she didn’t respond, only looked at him with those eyes, blinking a bit, he took that as the answer he knew he didn’t want to hear. Turns out he didn’t want the lack of an answer either.. He felt the sigh slip out, felt his shoulders sag a bit. If this was the start of a downward spiral, if he was going to need a minute to collect his anger, his sorrow, to get his emotions in general in check, he was going to need that minute anywhere but in front of her. “I’m gonna grab another. You good?” He stood.

Hailey’s head moved back minutely and she kept her eyes off of him as she spoke. “You know, you could just tell me you don’t _want_ me to take it.”

He bit back the smirk the best he could. “Is that what you’d tell me?”

Her response was immediate now. “I’d be honest with you.”

Jay took that in and nodded. He sat back down and took in a deep breath. “Honest, huh?” His voice had returned to the quiet, serious tone. He needed time. Time to filter through his feelings, turn them in to words. “Well.” He scratched a fingernail at his face and leaned back a bit. “There’s….a lot. To consider.”

Hailey lifted her beer, and her smile was wry and tight over the lip of the bottle. “There is.” She agreed quietly. Jay had sat back down but she knew he wasn’t about to start talking, so she began. “Speaking generally--It’s no secret that I’ve kind of….stalled, here.” Her eyebrows rose quickly as she sipped her drink and put it down. Toying with the wet label, she kept her eyes down and sighed. “This really should be an easy decision.”

Jay swallowed down the word she used to describe her situation, scoffed and shrugged a shoulder. “Yeah, easy decisions. Those a real thing?” he quipped.

She nodded and smiled facetiously. “Yeah….” Her answer was a wistful whisper. Things that should be easy never were.

The silence between them wasn’t as natural as usual. Jay looked around the bar, taking sips of what was left of his beer in between glances, and Hailey kept her eyes on her bottle, her fingers nimbly raking at the label, balling it up in to small wet pieces on the table.

“How—“ Jay cleared his throat. “How—do you think you’ve…’stalled’ here?” He dragged his bottle in slow circles, venturing forth in to the ‘honesty’ territory.

Hailey looked up at him from under her lashes. “Well,” she chuckled and straightened her posture. “That’s quite a list actually. Theres…” she held up a finger as she counted off. “my lovely list of recent black marks with Voight. Lost my roommate to a transfer and indefinite undercover assignment….without even a goodbye thankyouverymuch.” She looked at him knowingly. The opportunity had come for Vanessa just before Hailey left New York. She’d come home to an empty guest room, a full refrigerator, and a note thanking her for giving her her first stable home and a great experience in Intelligence.

“Umm, there’s my family…which, well, that’s a whole other story,” she scoffed with a smile. “And then there’s my personal life, which is…. non existent.” Hailey smirked and purposely avoided looking at Jay for that one. Things had definitely changed between them since her stint in New York but at the same time they were very much the same. Stalled. She didn’t blame him; She knew she was as much at fault for not pushing, not telling him how she felt. She was usually only honest with him—these lies by omission didn’t feel right but there never seemed to be a good moment or a good enough reason to change what they had. She knew Jay had some sort of feelings for her, some sort that extended past their professional partnership but he was even less forthcoming about them than she was. Over time their dynamic had morphed and grown and turned in to a solid friendship. He was really her best friend; She could talk to him, confide in him, screw up, show pride, laugh loud…be herself. Aside from the looks she caught from him, the more recent, tentative gentle brushes of his fingers against her, he hadn’t made any moves to change things. They were at a total standstill.

“Hailey,” he breathed and shook his head a bit. “You make it sound like…like there’s nothing good here. You know that’s not true.” Jay’s tongue felt tied. He knew what he _wanted_ to say, but couldn’t’ get the connection strong enough between his brain and his mouth.

“Yeah, no,” she agreed. “No, I know.” She smiled. “It’s just….maybe I need a change.” She looked up and met his eyes. “Maybe.”

The sigh that slipped from Jay wasn’t intentional and he didn’t know how to follow it, what else to say.

“Things aren’t bad here,” Hailey clarified. “But I’m not going anywhere, not moving forward. And I used to not care about that. But…”

She had trailed off and Jay looked up at her. “But?”

She ran a hand over the top of her head, smoothing her ponytail. “I don’t want to be stuck, Jay. I don’t want to stand still. I want more.” She grimaced a bit as she realized what she was really talking about, letting out the words that he could choose to read whichever way he wanted to. She sucked her teeth and tried for a real smile. “I don’t have to decide anything tonight.” She gestured over his shoulder with her beer bottle, toward the tv hanging above the bar. “Looks like the game’s about to start.”

“Hailey.” He ignored her attempt to change the subject and when her name rumbled out she had to consciously stop herself from visibly shivering at it. “You have—“ He cleared his throat. “Whatever you want in Chicago---you could have.”

She sighed and closed her eyes for a moment. “Yeah?” She paused for a moment wishing they hadn’t even started this conversation, or at least wishing it wasn’t ending this way. “Look, I’m gonna go.” She pushed a few bills onto the table to pay for her drinks, reached for her coat and began to put it on. Pulling her ponytail out from the back of her coat she looked back at her partner.

“Hey. No matter what. I just want you to know…” She’d paused for a second to swallow and think about what she wanted to tell him as she stood in a bar on a random Tuesday night. No. Again, not the right time. But she didn’t have to.

“I know.” Jay flashed his own wistful half smile. “Me too.”

She nodded and watched him for a few seconds, flashed a quick smile and turned.

She was out the door and knuckling a tear away as she headed to her car. The snow was falling lightly and beginning to cover the streets and sidewalks. Hailey had just gotten to her car when she heard her name.

“Hey.” Jay jogged up to her, white vapor exiting his mouth. “Glad I caught you.”

She tilted her head a bit and looked up at him. “It’s cold, Jay.”

“Yeah, I know but just—just hear me out. I—I keep thinking that there should be something special I should say here, something ‘right’ that I don’t know but that maybe I can figure out.”

Hailey sighed and looked down a bit before putting her eyes back up, waiting for him to hopefully actually say what he meant.

“And I don’t know what that is.” He shrugged and shook his head. “So here’s---you said I could tell you I don’t want you to take the job. Thing is Hailey, I couldn’t do that. Not if it’s what you wanted. I’d never be that guy to stand in your way.” He took a deep breath before continuing. “And---I’ve done this. _You’ve_ done this. And in so many ways this feels the same but still…so…so different.” He whispered the last few words and took a chance on himself, putting the backs of two fingers to gently push the piece of Hailey’s hair that had escaped her hat, back off her face. The feeling of her skin beneath his in a way that didn’t involve handing off coffee or offering a pen was nearly electric—a buzzing in the absolute best way.

Hailey moved a foot back and forth, watching the path she cleared with it, and chuckled before looking back to him. Talk about saying something without saying it.

She shook her head slightly in both remorse and understanding. “Look, you don’t want to go down this road again, I get it. It’s scary for me too. But Jay, this job offer and…and you? It’s not an either/or—I’m not going to stay or go just because of something that you say or don’t say. I’m a big girl and I can make my own decisions. I just. I just wanted you to _tell_ me what you were thinking. Not what you think I want to hear or the _right_ thing.” She shrugged with a quarter smile. “I just wanted to know how you felt.”

Jay watched her and it was with the look that she loved and loathed. The one that made her feel alive and on fire but couldn’t name, couldn’t tell if he was doing it on purpose or even if he knew he was doing it at all.

She swallowed. “Whatever happens,” She put a quick, gloved hand to his chest and spoke softly. “We’ll be good. I promise.” And she meant it. If Jay couldn’t do this, try this, with another partner after being burned so badly before, she’d have no choice but to accept it. She couldn’t hold it against him, blame him; She’d stay or go based on what she wanted. Needed.

She unlocked and opened the door before hearing her name again. Low and rumbly, in a way that made her close her eyes and take a second before looking back at him again.

“I can’t tell you how I feel—“

She opened her mouth, annoyance creeping in with the cold. If he couldn’t say anything he could at least let her get in her car, get warm, go home.

“But—“ He stepped closer, took an obvious breath and reached behind her to cup the back of her neck. His lips met hers, both cold but moving against each other, warming. When he pulled back he was watching her, serious. “If you go, I had to know. At least once. What kissing you was like.”

She bit her lip. “And?”

“Yeah. What I thought. It can’t just be once,” he broke in to a small grin, reaching for her again. This time, as Jay’s hands tangled in her hair, Hailey’s hands crept behind him, under his arms and pressed up against his shoulder blades; kissing him back as strongly as he was kissing her.

Two weeks later found them in the break room of the bullpen. “C’mon,” he glanced out the door. “No one’s around. Just one.” He stood behind her as she poured coffee and rubbed her arms, shoulder to elbow.

She turned, laughing. “Jay, it’s never just--.”

Anything else she may have said was swallowed as Jay’s lips captured hers, grabbing a quick but deep kiss. “See?” He smirked. “I can stop at one.”

“Mm hmm.” She smirked and lifted an eyebrow.

He returned the smirk with a chuckle. “Who’m I kidding, No, I can’t—“ He reached for her again, fast, as she laughed in to the kiss and agreed, “No, no you can’t—“

They were still kissing, Hailey’s hands at his hips, Jay’s cupping her face when a throat was cleared. They parted to see Kevin standing in the doorway.

“Umm, can I just get some coffee? Or is this some new payment system, of which I will say I am completely uncomfortable with.” Atwater deadpanned.

Hailey and Jay stepped away from each other, Hailey grabbing her coffee as she did. They mumbled apologies and Jay slapped Kevin on the shoulder as they headed back to their desks.

“ _See_?” She eyed him over her coffee cup.

“What? It’s _Kevin_ ,” he shot back. Not like it was Platt who walked in on them.

“Mm, hmm”, she nodded as if to say ‘yeah right’. But she did it with one of her many smiles, each one he loved.

They sat across from each other and got back to paperwork, happy to have wrapped up their current case earlier in the day with nothing jumping off as they neared the end of their work day. 

“All right,” Hailey pushed back in her chair and grabbed her coat. “I’ll grab dinner.” She looked over his computer screen and pushed in her chair. “Would you say you’re ‘starving’ or just ‘could eat’?”

One eyebrow raised as he threw her a mischievous look. “We’re talking about food here, right?”

“ _Man_ , other people are in the room!” Kevin complained good naturedly before going back to the notes he was transcribing.

Hailey spun around and mouthed a ‘sorry’ to him before turning back to Jay and shooting him a mock glare. “ _Dinner_.” She emphasized. “Don’t stay too late.” With a last smile she was heading down the stairs.

  
  


“Hey Sarge, any chance you can run this upstairs to Jay for me?” Hailey pulled the envelope out from her pocked and showed the desk sergeant. 

“Upstairs,” she repeated, flatly—“ Y’mean the place you _just_ came from?” Hailey just gave an extra hopeful smile in return.

“I don’t moonlight for the postal service detective.” Platt deadpanned, eyes down in the open file before her, without looking up.

“You can read it if you want to.” Hailey grinned and sing-songed lightly. Gently, she pushed the unsealed envelope toward her. Trudy looked up and pulled her glasses down from the top of her head. Her glare was still somewhat evident as she slowly pulled the folded paper out and scanned it. Without changing her expression, she said, “Yeah, I can probably deliver this.”

Hailey smiled, and nodded her thanks before turning to leave for the night. Finally.

Twenty minutes later, Trudy came up the top of the staircase. Halstead was still at his desk though looked as though he was close to being done for the night. He was leaning back and stretching as she approached. “What’s up Sarge?” he asked through the stretch.

“Special Delivery. Don’t forget me at the holidays.” She quipped as she dropped it on his desk in front of him. She stopped for a second as he reached for it, his brow furrowed. “I mean it.”

“Copy that, Sarge.” He looked at her, trying to hide the tension she somehow could still cause in him.

“Mm hm.” She turned to head back down the steps as he pulled the paper from the envelope. He read through it quickly before grabbing his jacket and all but bolting from his desk.

“You okay, man?” Atwater called as Jay blew past him.

“Yeah, can you turn off my computer?” He didn’t stop to hear the answer as he headed toward his truck.

Fifteen minutes later he was at her door. She was wearing a shit-eating smirk as she opened the door to him.

“You serious?” he breathed out, still holding the paper.

“Not a doubt in my mind.” She seemed happy, light, and certain. Three things he loved to see on her.

He moved in to kiss her, turning and pushing her against the door as he kicked it closed and kissed her hard. Any lingering doubts, concerns or worries about her taking the FBI job magically evaporating.

Even while he kissed her and thought ahead to how they would spend the night, the ways he would show her how happy he was, he couldn’t get the simple words out of his head. The copy of the letter she’d sent him via their desk sergeant. The one she’d emailed the feds earlier tonight: _Thank you for the kind and generous offer, however I am unable to accept at this time._

She was Chicago PD. Intelligence. Detective. A good cop. And Jay Halstead’s partner. She had everything she wanted.


End file.
